Timeline

Bikram Yoga is NOT for Beginners

Hot Yoga is Nuts

Let me just start by saying this outright:

While I love fitness, I do not consider myself an athlete

“But!” that inevitable reader who knows me personally pipes up, “You spent 12 years of your life swimming! You’ve participated in softball, basketball and water polo! You’ve taken classes on everything from ballet to krav maga! You look great! How are you not an athlete?”

Well, first: thanks for the flattery, I’m charmed. Second: While I do love to get into the swing of fitness, and have had many two-a-days and high-pressure conditioning sessions, I’m by no means naturally athletic. I’m not much of a runner or a jumper, but what I lack in innate affinity I make up for in competitive spunk.

And it’s this spunk I mustered when a few of my friends picked up a LivingSocial for Bikram Yoga in Queens, and suggested I do the same. Spearheaded by my good friend and resident yoga rockstar, Victoria, we headed over for my first class on Tuesday. Now I’m a true yoga beginner: the idea of stretching and posing never really caught my fancy, especially since it felt more like meditation and less like a workout. Well, I was shocked. Bikram Yoga is a real, grueling workout:

  • 90 minutes in a 100+ degree room
  • 26 intense poses that stretch every muscle in your body
  • Those 26 poses again just to hit it home
  • Breathing exercises and limitations

It’s safe to say that this workout knocked my right on my butt. Adjusting to the oppressive heat was more difficult than anything I’ve ever experienced, especially when my natural reaction is to panic and try to get out. I have a functioning arrhythmia that gets much more pronounced when I’m straining myself or trying to regulate my body temperature, and I have a higher potential of passing out. So, when the heat got to me and the tunnel vision began, I wanted to run out of the room and give up. But, the great instructor calmed me down and told me to be unafraid of sitting out whenever I felt even the slightest bit dizzy.

The funny thing is, after that, everything got a lot better. I did what I could, listened to my body, and sat out when I needed to. I didn’t even feel like looking at the clock, because the yoga made me so focused on my body that I started to feel centered and relaxed. And, as time went on, I became more adapted and found myself able to do more poses and hold them for longer.

When it was over, I felt accomplished! I was sweaty, gross, and exhausted, but I was happy with my performance and I wanted to stick with it. So, I plan on carrying out the rest of my deal, and committing myself to Bikram yoga. 1 class down, 19 classes to go!

Posted on June 23, 2011 at 12:44 pm Comment

This post is filed under Uncategorized.

Mourning a Gay Girl in Damascus

Image from the "Free Amina Arraf" Facebook Group

She was a dual-citizen who split her time between the American South and Damascus, Syria. She chose to return to Damascus and live as an out lesbian in a repressive state. She wrote poems, posted Youtube videos, and reflected on her unique position in a political hotbed. She was kidnapped by three pro-government men on the street in plain sight of her company.

But she isn’t real.

Amina Abdallah Araf al Omari, the blogger from A Gay Girl in Damascus, is actually 40-year-old Georgia man Tom MacMaster, a writer behind another carefully-crafted hoax. Writing while completing his Master’s degree in Scotland, Amina’s story is a fantasy. MacMaster simply manufactured, without any basis, a general approximation of what a lesbian in Damascus would actually do, say, or think.

This sort of A Million Little Pieces moment has made the entire blogging community, especially those who carefully followed Amina’s introspective prose and poetry as her life unfolded within her blog, sigh in loss. It’s nothing short of a disappointment for those who identified with Amina’s struggle and applauded her for the courageous activism she displayed in simply keeping the blog active and open. When news of her kidnapping had reached the blogosphere, thousands rallied to find her through Facebook, Twitter, and any other media outlet. People prayed for her survival, and they hoped she would return. Turns out, “Amina” is spending a vacation in Istanbul, with his wife, in peace and quiet.

This sort of thing is akin to finding out that Santa is not real, or that Dr. Martin Luther King heavily plagiarized sections of his doctoral thesis while at Boston University. It immediately brings to mind the (also probably fictional) young, sad-looking boy outside of Shoeless Joe Jackson’s Black Sox Trial:

“Say it ain’t so, Joe. Say it ain’t so!”

This sort of public betrayal goes beyond fake sightings of aliens or extremely obvious satires like Fake Steve Jobs. Readers identified with Amina’s struggle and sympathized with her desire to lead a better, more open life. Whether MacMaster intended it or not, he created a hero that others looked up to. Her stories were met with sympathy and encouragement, and her triumphs incurred applause.

She–or should I say he?–is the face of public betrayal, a facsimile of revolutions actually occurring against crippling political regimes. While MacMaster claims that Amina was created to “draw attention to” activity in the Middle East, this hoax is an insult to those working for political and social justice. There are people protesting, fighting, and dying for the opportunity to live in a free and equal country. The image of MacMaster sitting comfortably in an office chair, crafting a story about a world thousands of miles away, is hard to reconcile.

So what is left? Whether intentionally or not, MacMaster has created a vacuum in Amina’s dissolution. There is a draw that this role, Syrian Lesbian Activist, should be taken on by a person who actually is a Syrian Lesbian Activist. However, can the public accept another foray into the underground Middle East? Has MacMaster ruined the voice of the people who actually live it?

These questions can, and should, be answered later. For now, though, it’s time to mourn.

Posted on June 13, 2011 at 9:54 am Comment

This post is filed under In The News.

REBOOTING. REBOOTING.

Oh hey there, viewers. Yeah, I know, I’ve been sort of MIA for the past 8 months or so, but things have been crazy:

Of course, I’ve been working diligently on development of this.

And to make some primary income, I’ve been managing PR and events for this fabulous foundation.

When not working there, I’ve been working on freelance PR strategy for this business company.

I also spent all my weekends working tirelessly on my 60-page mecca for departmental distinction.

And becoming a very minor Twitter sensation thanks to this video.

And also my live chat with the Washington Post.

With all that on top of a full-time school schedule and a social life, my blogging has been incredibly lame. And for that, I am sorry. I’m going to do my best now that I’ve graduated to bring you the best nuggets from my brain. So, stay tuned for new and exciting things on this blog!

In the meantime, check out my About.Me which is, of course, about me! Enjoy!

Posted on June 8, 2011 at 12:53 pm Comment

This post is filed under Uncategorized.

Sarah Palin’s Reality Show: I Can’t Look Away

On November 14th, a mere ten days after mid-term elections have ended, TLC will roll out its newest family reality series. And, let me tell you, this one is a doozy.

It’s Sarah Palin’s Alaska.

Yes, that Sarah Palin from Alaska.

Apparently, selling one child out to the reality TV machine isn’t enough these days (by the way, since when did Bristol become America’s Most Famous Daughter™?) and the Palins will be raking in the big bucks from this eight-week miniseries. From immediate observation, Sarah Palin has spent more time as a national media figure than she ever had as a politician. Her rabble-rousing efforts, like exclaiming in front of a crowd at a San Jose, Calif. rally that Democrats are “permanent residents of a unicorn ranch in fantasyland.” Palin has done such an excellent job at polarizing her audience that it seems whatever political career she could of had off of  her jet-pack explosion into America’s consciousness a mere two years ago is long-ago dead and buried. And with this reality show, obviously taking the “fair time” statue to ridiculous proportions,  is also shamelessly breaking the unspoken rule about the interactions between politicians in the media:

  • Allowing 60 Minutes to document a leg of the campaign trail? Fine and dandy.
  • Allowing what is possibly the most recognized and popular family reality channel into your home to document life with your husband and kids? No-go.

I believe that any chance Ms. Palin could get elected into any meaningful office has been completely decimated, in favor of her desire to be on your small screen.

On the other hand, this kind of ridiculous ploy is one that I absolutely cannot look away from. Since the speculation arose in June, I have been absolutely anxious to see what could arise in a single 30-minute episode. And the trailer (below) definitely doesn’t disappoint. It’s like a car-wreck in motion: you want it to stop, but your eyes just won’t let you look away. Of course, also noted is Sarah’s lovely daughter Bristol, who, despite earlier reports to the contrary, is doing double-duty with her DWTS gig and playing a role in her mother’s show. The anticipation for the show is mounting, and the buzz about the desire to take a peek into Palin’s life will surely catapult this show into huge initial returns. Whether it continues with its success, it’s anyone’s guess, but the first episode will definitely be worth watching.

Of course, that is, until Bristol’s baby-daddy Levi Johnston comes out with that ridiculous show about putting himself in the Wasilla Mayoral Election. Man, I hope I have that channel on my cable, because that day will be glorious.

Check out the Sarah Palin’s Alaska trailer for yourself:

Posted on October 17, 2010 at 5:46 pm Comment

This post is filed under Pop Culture.

Molecular Gastronomy takes Gourmet to a New Level

Heston Blumenthal

The old adage “Don’t play with your food,” doesn’t apply when you’re practicing molecular gastronomy. Using scientific methods to change the taste and texture of food, molecular gastronomy has become the edgy cooking style du jour in the last five years, and it’s easy to see why. With sensational characters like British Chef Heston Blumenthal (and his fantastic series Feast) blowing the lid off of what people believe food should look like and taste like, this practice is moving into the mainstream culinary world. On one particular episode, Blumenthal invited his dinner guests to lick the wallpaper on an adjacent wall that contained  the shapes of different food. Very much like the scene from Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, pictures of Cambell’s Tomato Soup tasted startlingly like the real thing, and, from what I could tell, the schnozberries really did taste like schnozberries.

I have always been fascinated with molecular gastronomy on a fundamentally scientific level. It harkens back to scenes from The Jetsons, where Rosie the Robot would place a tablet in a microwave and pull out a four-course steak dinner. Yet, it’s on a completely other level: The mind is trained to associate the way food looks with the way food tastes. And, while in the natural world it’s a safe bet that the worm in front of you will taste like a slimy, dirty worm, turns out that the worm in front of you at a molecular gastronomy restaurant may taste just like chicken. Or pork. Or a chocolate cake. This sort of other-worldly madness is exactly what the draw to molecular gastronomy is: bending your eyes and taste buds to the point of absolute shock and awe.

A sample of Ferran Adria's culiary masterpieces from elBulli

And now, with the news that Michelin star-studded gastrophysics wizard Ferran Adria has closed down his Spanish mecca, elBulli, to teach a course in culinary physics at the Harvard School of Engineering, it seems that molecular gastronomy is becoming more than just culinary party tricks to satisfy customers. The physics and chemistry of shaping and molding food has produced a new riddle for the science world. How is it that when we see a piece of meat, we expect the taste and texture of animal? How is it that when we see a piece of brown cake, we automatically expect it to be sweet and (more often than not) chocolatey? And by that corollary, there must be a way to make food look like these things, but not taste like them. And those lucky bums over at Harvard get to find out why. I am fascinated by this culinary art, and I cannot wait to see (and taste) what chefs like  Blumenthal and Adria will cook up next.

Now, in the meantime, if only I could get my hands on some liquid nitrogen and make myself some homemade Dippin’ Dots…

Posted on October 4, 2010 at 10:24 am Comment

This post is filed under Pop Culture and tagged , , , .

A Sociological Study of M.R.E’s

US M.R.E Meal | Photo Courtesy NY Times

Of all the things that perplex me about military infrastructure and tactics, the one thing that has never ceased to fascinate me is the items found in military Meals Ready to Eat, or M.R.E’s. For a while, one of the little bits of information I filed away into the “Fun Facts to Know and Tell at Parties” section of my cerebral cortex was, “Did you know that Hershey provided chocolate bars to boost the morale of gunmen in the trenches in World War 1?” Something about the juxtaposition of terrifying atrocities at war and the sight of a fun-size Hershey bar struck me in the kind of way that can only be an ironic form of synchronicity: the mental scene both highlighted the incredible circumstances soldiers find themselves in and the whimsical charm of  a bit of chocolate.

But when thinking about food in modern warfare, I don’t believe my brain ever made the jump from the tins soldiers in the 40s used to get while fighting the Axis to the soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan. But, in a wonderful media piece by the New York Times, M.R.E’s from 15 countries and their contents are displayed, reflecting the differences in cultures under the uniform guise of the military camp. Australians get vegemite, the French have pâté, and the Dutch munch on something similar to the lunches I can get at IKEA.

Staring at these sorts of meals, I can’t help but wonder the kind of solace they bring the soldiers who are so far away from home. In the army camp, a handful of Skittles is priceless. Another interesting thing these M.R.E’s signal is the fact that in Afghanistan, US soldiers are not alone. Troop regiments from nearly 50 different countries are stationed in Afghanistan, standing alongside their American brothers and sisters and suffering the instant coffee in kind. I find that some people can forget that there are other nations helping in the war, comrades of our own military. So whether the soldier eats kimchi or dines on tortillas and chili, there’s a common cause and, surprisingly, a common use of moist towelettes.

It’s fascinating to think that a simple, light-weight meal package  can unite a group and remind them of the home they’re fighting for. And in more ways than one, an M.R.E can really go a long way.

Posted on September 7, 2010 at 5:12 pm Comment

This post is filed under The Past, Present and Future and tagged , , , .

I’ve Been Through Breakups Before, but This is Ridiculous…

This is a real sample of the texts from Pink Kisses. I'm not joking.

During my time in college, I’ve seen my fair share of hookups and breakups. As the Den Mom of most of my friends, I’ve also done my time as the resident tissue-holder and shoulder to cry on. I’ve seen girls clutch desperately onto their relationships, no matter if it’s six weeks or six months, and spiral downward into free-diffusing emotional hurricanes. And let me tell you, “Misery loves company,” isn’t the half of it. But, I’ve been there before, and so I hang in there and dispense my wise words to a friend who is a blubbery mess over some bro she hooked up with twice and never saw again: “Sweetheart, cheer up. You’re better than that and he’s not worth your time.”

Don’t get me wrong, breakups are hard. The longer you’re with someone, the longer you sit on your couch, eating Doritos and watching Beverly Hills, 90210. Heck, I ate at least one Hershey’s Cookies n’ Cream bar a week to tamp down my sadness with delicious sugary goodness. But while trolling on Gawker today, I came across a company that capitalizes on the weak moment of the breakup: Pink Kisses. For a nominal (re: up to $272) fee, this company will send you flowers, “better than sex” truffles, and text messages–yes, automated text messages with buttery compliments–to help you get over your man.

And this is where the title of this post plays in: I’ve been through breakups before, but that is ridiculous. Breakups are painful, but they happen for a reason. And while crying on a girlfriend’s shoulder is one thing, ordering yourself flowers and candy just seems like it would have the reverse effect. I mean, the thought of paying a service to send me cheerful texts and giving me two sessions with a life coach to get my act back together reeks of desperation and denial. If you’re going to pick up the pieces, why shell out cash to do so?

And furthermore, I feel like a company like this just perpetuates the idea that getting over a breakup is a “female thing.” Like dieting and the word “fashionista,” Pink Kisses seems tailored to a stereotype of a woman who doesn’t really exist. A sort of pseudo-Carrie Bradshaw that is nothing without her diet shakes, Loehmann’s stacked heels, and the man that keeps her on a short leash. Why can’t women be independent enough to walk away from a relationship isn’t working, and be the dumper? Why can’t a man be upset and want to send himself chocolates?

And on an alternate note: why is it that only heterosexual women feel the emotions of a break-up enough to want to rush to Pink Kisses? This is all directed at getting over him, not her, and that seems to incur an incredible double-standard. It’s like a twisted converse-axiom that if straight women are gentle enough to feel the effects of being dumped, then lesbians are tough enough to muscle through it. Why not be equal-opportunity and have a “get over her” option? It only seems fair to have an equal playing field and cater to all women, not just those with boyfriends.

The whole thing seems like an incredibly ridiculous and unsolvable puzzle that is inexorably linked to the way that women are seen as a business commodity and fragile people. No matter how many steps the female identity has taken in the last few decades, the shackles of old ideals still pop up, and a woman is nothing without her man by her side.

Make the call yourself and watch their advertisement below. And as a post-script, does the testimonial in this video remind anyone of that scene in Clueless where Cher sends herself flowers to appear desirable to the new kid in town? We all know how that worked out…

Posted on August 30, 2010 at 8:32 pm Comment

This post is filed under Pop Culture and tagged , , .

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Melanie--Brought to you by Alyssa and Austin Mroczek!

New York, I love you, but now it’s time to say goodbye.

I said goodbye to the people of People last Friday, and have spent the rest of my time putting my incredible amount of accumulated things into some sort of manageable piece of luggage. I leave for Boston on Wednesday, and I can’t tell you if it’s coming too late or too soon.

The last eight months of my life have been the biggest whirlwind I’ve ever experienced: from landing in Australia to jetting around California to hustling in New York City, I feel like everything has been non-stop since I packed my boxes away in Boston and learned to embrace the unexpected. I realized the other day that since my time in Boston, I’ve worked at two major magazines, gotten three hair cuts, celebrated an anniversary, and a baby was born. No joke, a baby. By the way, hey there, little niece! Here’s your first blog shout-out.

Even though I feel like I haven’t so much as taken a breather since Christmas, there’s something to be said about the wealth of experiences that I’ve managed to stuff in such a small timeframe. Even more ridiculous is the coming road ahead. Senior year has dawned upon me and I feel a sigh of relief and one of intense exasperation. This year is a big year for The Quad, with some exciting and innovative changes from the team to come, and there’s so much to be done. On top of that, I have a full course-load with my Independent Study and I’m juggling a part-time gig doing PR for an on-campus organization. I’m so motivated to get going, but it’s all coming to me in a flash and I have to be ready to hang on tight and see this ride through.

In two days, I leave for Boston. In two days, I move into the most awesome apartment with great friends. In two days, I have a bomb-diggity meal at UBurger. But most of all, in two days, I get to be a college kid again. I can’t wait to have a fresh new year, and it’s going to be so exciting. Oh, did I forget to tell you about that baby? I get to meet her too, as an aunt for the first time, in two weeks. Funny how those things work out.

I think David Bowie had it right when he said:

Time may change me, but I can’t trace Time.

Posted on August 23, 2010 at 5:32 pm Comment

This post is filed under The Past, Present and Future and tagged , , , .

The Triumph and Tragedy of Bazooka Joe

Our eye-patched protagonist

My days with Bazooka bubblegum go back to preschool, when my parents decided that if I could read and write my own name, I was able to partake in the glory of gum-chomping. Every once in a while, my parents would take my gaggle of siblings to a classic diner in town called Huey’s. In addition to having your standard classic signage and red vinyl booths, Huey’s waitresses would always give you a piece of Bazooka bubblegum to chew as an after-meal delight. Bazooka was my favorite gum as a kid, with absolutely no other contenders. Something about the highly sweet saccharine smell emanating from such a tiny package drew me like a moth to a flame. In short, I could not get enough of the stuff, and a trip to Huey’s always afforded the opportunity to indulge. After getting that coveted piece of pink sugary goodness, I used to chew it loudly and sing that irreverently catchy ditty along with it.

My mom gave me a dollar.

She said go buy a collar.

But I didn’t buy no collar!

I bought some bubblegum!

Bazooka zooka bubble gum!

Bazooka zooka bubble gum!

Desperate to get back to that memory of singing that song–arms up and outstretched over my head like the beginning of I Dream of Jeannie– I bought a pack of Bazooka about a month ago in a moment of chasing nostalgia.

Now, I noticed two things:

  1. The gum was delicious, and brought me joy
  2. Bazooka Joe comics are RIDICULOUS

“Now, Lauren,” you tell me, “What do you mean that they’re ridiculous?” Well, let me tell you. The adventures of the eye-patched Bazooka Joe–don’t worry kids, the eyepatch is just his style! (direct quote from the Topps company)–and his friend Mort, who I’ve renamed “Sweater-face” due to his baffling ninja-turtleneck that covers almost all identifiable features.Bazooka Joe comics are an absolutely confounding vehicle, like the wholesomely unfunny Family Circle with an irony multiplier of 12. Most times, Joe and his friends’ situation comes off more as a sad reflection of awkward teen life, with the punchline falling so flat that you actually feel bad for the kid.

For example, take this comic to my right. I believe that from this “comedic” punchline, anyone can see that Bazooka Joe has INSOMNIA. Is this supposed to be funny? I don’t know whether to laugh at its absurd treatment of a crippling psychological condition, or cry into the nearest pillow.

Oh sure, you can blame it on the times, but Bazooka Joe has recently been “updated” for youngsters of the new millenium with no overhaul in the jokes department. Seriously, I read a comic about why a nerdy kid likes to chat with girls online and the punchline was, I kid you not, “so he can pretend to be someone else!” Wait… What? Isn’t this practice why To Catch a Predator was made?

I suggest, no, I DEMAND that you buy a piece of Bazooka and witness this yourself. And hey, if the joke doesn’t hook you in, maybe the bubblegum will.

Posted on August 13, 2010 at 4:59 pm Comment

This post is filed under Pop Culture and tagged , .

Dream Jobs Make Me Salivate

Oh, so this is what the job hunt feels like...

Coming back from delicious New York bagels with some friends this weekend, a magazine cover caught my eye.

Well…let’s be honest, every magazine catches my eye. But this magazine cover spoke to me: Time Out New York released their Best Jobs in NYC package. I started drooling harder than Pavlov’s mutts after the dinner bell, holding back the desire to claw it to shreds and absorb the information like a sponge. Ironically, as the broke college student I am, I didn’t have the income to purchase the magazine. However, ToNY is awesome enough to offer most of the package online, much to my amusement (and frugality), and it’s caused a lot of reflecting about my future career.

As an aspiring journalist,  saying my career field is difficult to get into is like saying shaking hands with a bear is dangerous. You might as well stamp a giant “duh,” on my face. It’s also no surprise to me that ToNY mentions magazine journalism among the most coveted positions out there. I mean, the algebraic equation is clear:

High demand for jobs + Finite positions = HOTTT WORKPLACE

ToNY also notes the incredible places where you can get a leg-up (if you’re a journalist and don’t know about Ed2010, I suggest you crawl out from under your rock and go there immediately) and the resources you need to get out there and stalk your dream position. But, of course, there’s an underlying question that niggles at the back of my cerebrum every time I wish of a happy ending in the magazine world: Do I have the guts to get the job I really want?

I think that’s a justifiable question, and one that spurs doubts of not making it doing what you love. A lot of people have second thoughts about taking the plunge and living the dream, and I know that at some point I’m going to have to hustle and work it like rent is due tonight to make sure that I’ve got the chops to shove my foot in the door and be what I want to be.

And to bridge the gap, maybe if doing what you love is what you want, isn’t that really the Best Job for you? Whether it be magazine journalist, fireman, or IT administrator, everyone has to get out there and network and be the best person they can be to get a job these days. It’s a jungle out there, so you might as well grab your machete and cut through the weeds.

In the meantime, I’m going to daydream of my future by-lines, fact-check in my sleep, and mentally prepare myself to wrestle with journalism courses this fall. Hey, it’s time to go big or go home, right?

Posted on August 9, 2010 at 11:47 am Comment

This post is filed under The Past, Present and Future and tagged , .

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